Here is the update.
She tried and she failed.
When things got rough or overwhelming, she did not get help, she got frustrated. She tried to hide from it and ignore the vines.
The drought of the season helped slow down the mass of vines, many things died.
The drought of her soul and heart kept her from being strong and she gave up the fight
with the vines. She gave up hope that things could look pretty again. She lost the battle. She stayed down too long.
She did other things to get approval and a sense of achievement.
Important to note, she got back up slowly and has been attacking those vines, and appreciating bits of progress. Her hands are scratched up from vines. He lungs full of decaying leaves and neglect. Her face drenched in sweat and covered in dead moldy leaves.
She knows that those are her vines to trim. No one is going to do it for her. She can own those vines and be accountable and ask for help. She can submit to the thought that she needs some help, that things grew out of her scope. She can find peace in assistance.
She reminds herself to speak up and to ask.
So she cuts and trims and she speaks to herself, "every step forward is a step forward, you can do this girl." She is not on anyone's time frame but her own. Her only rule is get up, and go forward. Take care of the garden, take care of yourself.
Things are a little messy but there is a clearing and room to grow new pretty things and to make peace with the past. She learns to forgive and stay peaceful. She learns that the pretty vines are for her happiness too. She learns that she is still loved and cared for even if her vines are messy. She not just loved for her achievements.
She is loved and worth it just because she is alive. And life is a gift.
Her garden in the back is growing and her garden in her heart is lovingly growing and spreading warmth to the depth of her soul and into the earth and the universe.
