Pondering how things changed for a few moments this morning. I always feel we must think about our journey and to notice.
Sometimes the it comes with a soulful reckoning of pain and sometimes it provides perspective and a good truth that helps to sort out the times.
And that is what this Covid19 is - It is the time. It is the time in 2020 where things really changed for all. Very few have been not been affected in some way. To so many extents, I do not believe that I will even know for a long time. But I hope to note it. I hope it is shared with me.
It would be a sad state of time times if the history of the time was marked by media articles about politics, and governmental policies only rather than the genuine impact to our hearts and our souls.
Specifically I notice that I am working from home looking out a window instead of driving 20 minutes down a country road with the sun in my eyes to unlock a door to a different office where I would smell coffee and see co-workers as we slowly wave, say good morning and finish waking up to do our jobs.
I sit alone in my office which I love and I hear my ceiling fan. The daily routine to walk out the patio door to my bedroom to hand sprinkle water on the grass, and then walk back through the room down the hall to my office.
My husband delivers me a cup of fresh poured over coffee as he is not back at work and my hound dog falls asleep in two minutes at my feet and I can hear him breathing.
I call and speak to many people all day long, I find people are kinder, softer and mostly the same. They are happy I answered the phone and happy to find out that I can still help them with the home upgrade. Happy that some sort of normal is the same. Some ask if I am working from home, some ask how I am and many say god bless, take care or be safe. That was not a part of the old way.
I have not seen the inside of a store in almost 7 weeks. I spent a lot of time in April, walking away anxiety and I believe it helped. Outside meeting people in walking there was a quietness to some people's face and a good sense that if we were out here walking and staying strong, then we were doing the right thing. And there were older couples that always walk that noticed extra people walking for we would normally be at work. They were very jolly in their good mornings.
May 1st I resumed full time work at home. I had a lot of emotions about working and I was afraid of talking to customers, and I felt the effects of my isolation and my feelings of fear and the pandemic. Fear that as it would affect my community that I wouldn't be strong enough to help people. That I might curl up in a ball and keep hiding.
As it turned out, I welcomed the work and talking to humans. There was a drastic change in my photo school activities as we all of a sudden got pulled to online classes and used zoom communication to finish up 8-10 weeks of classes and that was difficult. It was difficult because the Pandemic seemed to rob me of my attention. And inside I rebelled that things could be normal because nothing felt normal and everything felt like a lie.
All of that is true and none of that is true. And things are okay just different. We sit on the edge of our country opening up with our eyes open.... our kids didn't get their celebrations of graduations from Kindergarten, 6th, 8th, 12th, and college. Lifetime celebrations were cancelled. Funerals and weddings were cancelled. Births happened and new moms didn't get to have visitors. Grand parents were isolated. People went to regular jobs deemed essential with the risk of getting sick or carrying the virus home.
Nothing has changed, the virus on this Day of May 21st, it is still here in the US with 1500 daily cases and a death toll of 94,000 with a prediction that by the end of summer it will double. It seems as a Country we have decided to face it with what we know. No hugging our friends, wear a mask, and small gatherings. We have seemed that living with the consequences is better than no life at all.
I feel in this sense there is acceptance. Some accepted by denying it was real, some accepted by saying the government conspired to kill us, some of us accepted the science and always knew that a great pandemic would come. We didn't know that it might not look like the movies.
It might just look like you and I and families and communities and heroes. We worked hard to make change, we ordered food delivered, washed our packages, kept them outside. Some people remodeled, some had to face work everyday and be strong. Many teachers and professors keep millions of students on task to their goals and dreams. Many parents taught their children. Many families had conflict, some visited and others were strict about protocol.
Judgement was in the air, and it still is. It is the year 2020 the year of the Great Pandemic and an election that seems to matter to a lot of people more than some in the past. My fear is that humanity could get lost this summer by the media and the election. My hope is that it will not.
I felt compelled to write to everyone today and I apologize because you should be seeing a steady stream of projects from school and all the bread and food pictures.
That will resume my nature is to face the elephants in the room and talk to them and then resume with all the pretty things. And there is a lot of pretty things and life is still beautiful amidst this pandemic and politically charged distrustful universe.
As for me I will spend the summer working from home, going to school online, playing the violin again and hopefully spending time with the grandchildren. I might even do a 30 mile challenge for some sort of trail challenge in June.
The weekend is coming - Memorial Day in the USA. Be safe and be happy.